Let the Fat Lady Sing
By Tim Cerantola
According to many psychics, religious fundamentalists and doomsday enthusiasts (who are all, more or less, the same people), the Bible’s final battle between good and evil is now at hand.
In fact, these apocalyptic predictions are taken so seriously by so many people, a highly profitable “end times” industry has emerged to feed this growing gullible audience – willing to pay for their daily dosage of doom and gloom in the form of books and videos.
Granted, in view of recent world events, our collective demise doesn’t seem like that much of a stretch, especially when the fear-mongering corporate media cheers from the sidelines, selling these wars along with their regular offerings of disaster, disease and pestilence. Perhaps it’s only natural for the public to feel threatened and expect the worst.
Still, despite all this marketing of doom and prophetic pretentiousness, as far as I’m concerned, any talk of the end of the world is nothing but mindless nonsense and Nostradamus is just a great name for a new sinus medication.
However, just in case I’m completely wrong about this, and global annihilation is just around the corner, perhaps you should prepare yourselves with some end times knowledge by taking this apocalyptic quiz.
Question #1
1. Complete this next sentence. The end of the world will occur…
a) In 2012, coinciding with the end of the Mayan calendar.
b) When the “fat lady” sings.
c) When the Dow drops below 5,000.
d) Due to unprecedented levels of stupidity in Washington.
2. When the end of the world occurs, what is the most important thing to remember?
a) Your absolute faith in God’s love.
b) the pledge of allegiance.
c) Your eternal soul.
d) To bring clean underwear.
3. When looking for sure signs of the end times, we are told to look for…
a) Great signs in the heavens.
b) “www.endtimes.com” on the internet.
c) An increase in global disasters
d) an increase in homeowner insurance premiums.
4. In the end, according to Jesus’ Beatitudes sermon, who will inherit the earth?
a) Barack Obama
b) Sarah Palin
c) Bill Gates Jr.
d) The “meek” (minus the usual 15% in lawyers fees).
5. What is meant by “the rapture?”
a) It’s something that can happen when you pick up a really heavy object.
b) A Toronto basketball player.
c) It’s when God will rescue His faithful before the battle of Armageddon.
d) It’s the feeling I’ll get when the Toronto Maple Leafs finally win
the Stanley Cup again.
6. It is said that when Jesus returns, He will set up his earthly kingdom in…
a) New Jersey
b) New Hampshire
c) Wasilla, Alaska
d) The New Jerusalem
7. Which of the following 2 characters did NOT help Dorothy find her way to the Emerald City?
a) The Scarecrow
b) The Anti-Christ
c) The Tin Man
d) The False Prophet
e) The Cowardly Lion
8. In the 11th century, the Irish Bishop Malachy made a series of predictions, meticulously listing and describing each of the remaining 112 Popes leading up to the final battle of Armageddon. According to Malachi’s predictions, only one Pope remains after our present Pope Benedict.
Pick the correct one
a) Pope Cheney, the Dick
b) Peter, the Roman.
c) Arnold, the Schwartzenegger
d) Pope Obama, the flipflopper
9. Which of the following is NOT an Edgar Cayce prophecy?
a) Atlantis will rise from the depths of the Atlantic Ocean.
b) In North America, a cataclysmic change will cause the Great Lakes
to drain into the Gulf of Mexico.
c) Both California and Japan will sink into the Pacific Ocean.
d) Pizza will be delivered within 30 minutes – or it’s free.
And finally…
10. What have the prophets really been trying to warn mankind of for centuries?
a) Of the many earth changes to come.
b) That the mark of “the Beast” is just a bad haircut.
c) That the words prophet and profit are surprisingly similar.
d) That like P.T. Barnum said, there’s a sucker born every minute.
YOUR QUIZ SCORE: Who cares? The end is near for Pete’s sake. For once in
your life stop trying to be such a smarty-pants!
5 Comments
December 28, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Very funny and true quiz questions. Sadly I can relate to it and will be kissing my butt goodbye when the fat lady sings
December 29, 2008 at 12:02 am
[...] The End of the World Quiz (Warning: If you’re easily offended you might want to skip this one, but it’s funny!) [...]
December 29, 2008 at 12:11 am
I wasn’t sure if I should come to your blog. There was a real possibility you might try to rip my head off. Couldn’t resist! Very funny you mention Nostradamus because I just finished a future post for my own blog that mentions him… I don’t believe the world is ending in 2012 and those who think so are misguided (no kidding?)… If you are truly interested in another’s perspective, I have channelled a few things about 2012 and the end of the Mayan Calendar.
January 5, 2009 at 10:22 pm
I’m impressed. You are very knowledgeable about the Bible.
May 25, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Sometimes, I think everybody worth saving was raptured up into Heaven a few centuries back and the rest of us were Left Behind.