Monthly Archives: December 2012

The World Ends This Friday by Timo Cerantola

According to the Mayan calendar, many psychics, some religious fundamentalists and most doomsday enthusiasts, the end of the world is at hand – this Friday, around 6:12 am to be more specific.

For years now, this Mayan apocalyptic prediction has been taken so seriously by so many, an “end times” industry has emerged to service a growing and gullible group of people willing to pay for their daily dosage of doom and gloom.

Granted, in view of many recent world events, our collective demise doesn’t seem as much of a stretch as it used to, especially when fear-mongering media types cheer from the sidelines with their regular daily offerings of disaster, disease and pestilence.

Still, despite all of this prophetic pretentiousness and marketing of doom, as far as I’m concerned, any talk of the end of the world is nothing more than mindless nonsense and Nostradamus is just a great name for a new sinus medication.

However, just in case I’m completely off the mark and global annihilation is on Friday, perhaps you might want to prepare yourself with a little end times knowledge with this Apocalypse 2012 quiz.

Question #1

1. Complete this next sentence. The end of the world will occur…

a) In 2012, coinciding with the end of the Mayan calendar.
b) When the “fat lady” sings.
c) When the Dow drops below 5,000.
d) Due to unprecedented levels of stupidity in Washington, Moscow, Beijing and lately, Pyongyang (North Korea) just to mention a few.

2. When the end of the world occurs, what is the most important thing to remember?

a) Your absolute faith in God’s love.
b) The pledge of allegiance.
c) Your eternal soul.
d) To bring clean underwear.

3. When looking for sure signs of the end times, we are told to look for…

a) Great signs in the heavens.
b) “www.endtimes.com” on the internet.
c) An increase in global disasters
d) an increase in homeowner insurance premiums.

 

4. In the end, according to Jesus’ Beatitudes sermon, who will inherit the earth?

a) Donald Trump
b) Joe Biden
c) Bill Gates Jr.
d) The “meek” (minus the usual 15% in lawyers fees).

5. What is meant by “the rapture?”
a) It’s something that can happen when you pick up a really heavy object.
b) A Toronto basketball player.
c) It’s when God will rescue His faithful before the battle of Armageddon.
d) It’s the feeling I’ll get when the Toronto Maple Leafs win
the Stanley Cup again.

6. It is said that when Jesus returns, He will set up his earthly kingdom in…

a) New Jersey
b) New Hampshire
c) Orlando, Florida
d) The New Jerusalem

7. Which of the following 2 characters did NOT help Dorothy find her way to the Emerald City?

a) The Scarecrow
b) The Anti-Christ
c) The Tin Man
d) The False Prophet
e) The Cowardly Lion

8. In the 11th century, the Irish Bishop Malachy made a series of predictions, meticulously listing and describing each of the remaining 112 Popes leading up to the final battle of Armageddon. According to Malachi’s predictions, only one Pope remains after our present Pope Benedict.

Pick the correct one
a) Pope Justin, the Bieber
b) Peter, the Roman.
c) Arnold, the Schwartzenegger
d) Pope Obama, the flipflopper

9. Which of the following is NOT an Edgar Cayce prophecy?

a) Atlantis will rise from the depths of the Atlantic Ocean.
b) In North America, a cataclysmic change will cause the Great Lakes
to drain into the Gulf of Mexico.
c) Both California and Japan will sink into the Pacific Ocean.
d) Pizza will be delivered within 30 minutes – or it’s free.

And finally…

10. What have the prophets really been trying to warn mankind of for centuries?
a) Of the many earth changes to come.
b) That the mark of “the Beast” is just a bad haircut.
c) That the words prophet and profit are surprisingly similar.
d) That like P.T. Barnum once said, there’s a sucker born every minute.

 

YOUR QUIZ SCORE: Who cares? The end is near for Pete’s sake. For once in
your life stop trying to be such a smarty-pants!

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