Tag Archives: bill gates

I Think There’s a Typo in The New Testament


 According to Forbes magazine, there are 1,565 billionaires in 2014 and, the richest of them all, is Bill ‘nerds r’ me’ Gates, who has $76 billion reasons why people tend to treat him nicely.

 Back in 2013, Gate’s was appreciably poorer as his total tallied a trifling $67 billion – which means Bill made $9 billion dollars in one year. By my math, that’s a $173 million bucks a week or approximately $4.3 million dollars per hour – if Bill puts in a full 40 at his money factory.

 Look at it this way; in the time it has taken you to read this far, Bill ‘nerds r me’ Gates has made approximately $72,000 thousand dollars.

 In the same amount of time, with my job, my savings interest (at my present bank interest rate of .0000000000002% per annum) – plus all of my RSP interest and other investments, I’ve made about 1.03 cents. (Yippee, I’m a pennyaire!)

 Which leads me to today’s topic and the reason why I believe there’s a typo in the New Testament. 

 You see, after hearing that ‘Supernerd’ has racked up $76 billion bucks, I’m now convinced that they misheard Jesus when he said, “The meek shall inherit the earth.”

 I think maybe Jesus said, “The geek shall inherit the earth” – only the guy taking down notes for Jesus didn’t know what a geek was, so he wrote in “meek” instead. (An honest oversight because computers, like geeks, had yet to be invented).

 Anyway, my point is, it’s all finally starting to happen just like Jesus said it would when He prophesied that Bill Gates was going to take over everything and buy the earth – although Jesus never actually uttered those exact words.

 OK, relax everyone! Bill’s probably not the anti-Christ. He’s more like one of those harmless Star Trek nerds who dress up in Starfleet uniforms and go to those weird sci-fi, dweeb conventions. Seriously, just one look at Bill and you can tell that inside that man’s chest beats the heart of a pointy-eared space geek.

 OK, maybe space geek is a bit over the top – so, let’s just say that prior to his acquisition of zillions, most women would have said that Bill registered a solid 8.5 on the Dork-o-meter.

 Of course now, when “Mr. Money-bags” is announced at one of those upper crust, social events, audible gasps of “Isn’t he dreamy?” “Hunkalicious!” and the occasional “Oooh-la-la!” can be heard among the crowd of money adoring women.

 But, if the truth be told ladies, Bill Gates without his money, is the type of man you would normally picture with a shirt pocket full of pens, horn rimmed glasses and a stack of dirty magazines under his bed. (Sorry to be so brutal Bill, but let’s face it. Like the rest of us nerds, you had to beg for dates back in high school too).

 Personally, I think that all those years of humiliation in high school set poor nerdy Bill off on this dangerous drive towards global domination. He was tired of being pushed around by the captain of the cheerleading squad. That’s when he put his foot down and, like most nerds, stepped into something brown and squishy. (But that’s the way we nerds roll).

 Anyway, Bill was motivated.

 “I know,” he said to himself (because few people would actually talk to him back then). “First, I’ll start a computer company, call it Microsoft, become mega-rich and then buy the entire planet. Then, I’ll hire all those folks who pushed me around in high school and employ them as doorstops and toilet roll replacement engineers in all of my various mansions. Finally, I’ll reward all of my dorky buddies from the chess club and hire them on as senior vice-presidents.”

 Hey, it was only a matter of time before the nerd herd took over.

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